Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
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Thursday, April 15, 2010
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Our Story
I still remember going to the gynecologist for the first time. I was very nervous, especially because my doctor was a man! It was a few months before Richard and I were to be married and I needed information about birth control. To make matters more interesting I saw my pastor’s wife in the hospital parking lot on the way in... “Welcome to womanhood!” she exclaimed as we parted. I came out of that appointment with a prescription for a pill that would keep me from getting pregnant until Richard and I decided the “time was right.”
Our plan was to finish Richard’s last year of undergrad and get a few years of seminary out of the way before we started having children. Of course we were open to God changing our plan at any time, but it was a plan nonetheless. Most of the young Christian couples around us were on the pill and none of our spiritual leaders warned against it. The closest we got to a caution was the statement, “it is a matter of conviction for each couple.” We just assumed this was referring to the decision to delay having children or the idea of planning how many children to have, not to the actual bioethics involved in the method. I started taking the pill with little hesitation and a lot of naivety.
Richard and I wanted to have a large family from the start. We love children and have always thought of them as a blessing rather than a burden. We did, however, lean toward waiting until we were at a place financially where Richard could fully support us and I could stay home full time with our children. Our desire for kids was something we felt could be sacrificed until we were closer to finishing Richard’s schooling. So that is where we were.... wanting children, but waiting until we were “ready.”
The pill was easy. The pill was also effective. Everyone else was taking the pill. We were taking the pill.
Four and a half months down our married road a coworker got me thinking about that decision again. He was one of the few Christians working at my Starbucks and for some reason everybody knew that he and his wife were not on birth control. This was partly because people who work at a coffee shop have plenty of time to talk about other people’s business and partly because he wanted people to know about the possible abortive effect the pill could have on a forming baby. Inevitably we got to talking about it one day and he began explaining how he and his wife had made the decision not to use the pill after her gynecologist admitted that there was a chance of a fertilized egg being aborted while using the pill. This was new information to me... after all, I thought the pill was supposed to keep an egg from ever getting fertilized in the first place! I took what he said, gave it a little thought, and then decided that there was a difference between a possibility of a fertilized egg being aborted and purposefully aborting a fertilized egg. He patiently and sensitively waited and did not press the issue any further.
The Lord did not allow me to go too long before bringing this issue back to mind however. This was around the time when President Bush was in office and all of the hoopla about embryonic stem cell research was going on. For good reason the Christian community was very much against the purposeful destruction of human embryos. I wondered how much of a difference there was between my “possible baby” and these “possible babies.” Then the research began. I started trying to dig up anything I could that would shed some light on what the pill actually does to my system and what it could do to my “possible baby.”
One of the most important and helpful resources I found was Randy Alcorn’s abbreviated version of Does the Birth Control Pill Cause Abortions?. It is a thorough and honest look at what the medical community has to say about the pill and also what the Christian response to it should be. After investigating a little further my heart and mind was made up; I couldn’t purposefully take a medication that I knew had the potential to abort a fertilized egg; I couldn’t purposefully put a baby, my baby at risk. After discussing it with Richard (who by the way, had been reading all the same material I had) we decided to stop using the pill. Six months into our married life we stopped using the pill.
Click here to read the next installment in this series: Methods
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